'I feel like I’m in a relationship with you and your brother': 21-year-old twin breaks up with girlfriend after she criticizes him for being too close to his brother

Author image for Ally Perry
Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 30, 2025 9:00 AM EDT

There is no familial relationship that is quite like that of twins. There is something about the experience of sharing a womb at the same time that can create an unbreakable bond, unlike that of any other kind of siblings. If they happen to be identical as well, that is 100% of the DNA shared between them, only adding to the special relationship. They are a small proportion of the world population who often have a bond that outstrips every other kind.

While some twins might like to argue that with two of them around, there is double the fun, not everybody is inclined to agree. In particular, a close twin relationship can cause difficulties with romantic relationships if a twin isn't careful. While it is great to be close with family, many romantic partners will feel misunderstood and neglected if a sibling seems to take priority over them. It's nobody's dream love story.

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  • 01

    AITA for breaking up with my girlfriend because she didn’t like how close I am with my twin brother?

    I (M21) have a twin brother. We've been best friends our entire lives. We live together in an apartment near our college campus. It's just always been easy we understand each other, we split the rent, and honestly, it's like having a built-in best friend around 24/7. About 8 months ago, I started dating my now-ex In the beginning, everything was fine. She thought it was "cute" how close my brother and I were. But after a few months, her attitude started changing.
    via Western-Service-3057

  • This is something that one twin brother faced after he felt that he had no choice but to break up with his girlfriend of 8 months. She felt like the brief relationship had been sullied by the fact that the two siblings were so close, living together and spending a lot of their time together. 

    The man decided she had to go if she couldn't respect their bond, but he wasn't sure if he had overreacted.

  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10499923712
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 03
    She started making little comments about how I should "grow up" and "get my own life." She hated that I lived with my brother, said it was "weird" that two adults would still want to live together if they weren't forced to. She even once joked that it was like we were a "package deal," but not in a funny way more like she genuinely resented it. It got worse when she found out that if my brother and I were both free, I'd usually choose to hang out with him over her. (It's not like I ignored her I
    via Western-Service-3057
  • 04
    when we were arguing and she said, "I feel like I'm in a relationship with you and your brother. It's suffocating. No girl is going to want to play second to him." I realized in that moment that she didn't just dislike how close we were she didn't respect it. She saw it as something immature or abnormal, instead of understanding that it's just who I am and how I was raised.
    via Western-Service-3057
  • 05
    So, I broke up with her. Now I'm wondering if I was too harsh. But at the same time, I don't think I could have stayed with someone who saw one of the most important parts of my life as a flaw. AITA?
    via Western-Service-3057
  • 06
    Cheezburger Image 10499923968
    via Meghan Hessler
  • 07

    While commenters understood the importance of family, they also saw the issues this could create with other relationships.

    Creative-Ad-1363 Maybe she just wasn't the right person for you. You'd rather hang with ur brother than her. That speaks volumes. You did her a favor.
    via Creative-Ad-1363
  • 08
    keemeeBlaster Exactly! It's not about choosing one over the other, it's about finding someone who respects your existing, deeply important relationships. She wasn't willing to accept that, and that's okay.
    via keemeeBlaster
  • 09
    AshleyBlack86 Hi, im a twin, and I absolutely agree with you that she dodged a massive bullet. I don't think OP would have a healthy relationship without establishing some boundaries and prioritizing his relationships.
    via AshleyBlack86
  • 10
    Tasty Doughnut 9226 "it got worse when she found out that if my brother and I were both free, I'd usually choose to hang out with him over her." Yeah this isn't going to make a girl feel special. "If my brother and I had plans, I didn't cancel them unless it was something serious". -as you shouldn't. "She said, "I feel like I'm in a relationship with you and your brother. It's suffocating. No girl is going to want to play second to him."" - when you were with her was your brother always there? W
    via Tasty_Doughnut_9226
  • 11
    Independent-Moose113 NTA, but neither is your ex. Many twins are super close, and it is frustrating for someone who wants to be in a relationship with one. I know several sets of male bachelor twins (in their 40s-60s) who still live together, never married or had familes.
    via Independent-Moose113
  • 12
    Liathano_Fire If someone always chose their brother over me, I'd be hurt. Maybe you didn't like her all that much.
    via Liathano_Fire
  • 13
    lilfurrykewtie My ex had a relationship like this with his brother and it's why we broke up. He would rather hang with his brother in his free time and that showed me how little I meant. Nothing wrong with wanting to be a bachelor with your brother, it just doesn't leave room for a romantic relationship when siblings are this codependent.
    via lilfurrykewtie
  • 14
    Echo-Azure I'm afraid, OP, that this may be a problem in future relationships as well. If your brother comes first, is your preferred companion, and is basically your life partner... well. When things get serious with a girl, most women are going to want to come first, and not second, especially if there is a marriage or children involved. Marriages can actually be an issue for ultra-close twins, of any s because it's actually difficult to balance that kind of closeness with a commitment to anot
    via Echo-Azure
  • 15
    Y2Flax Soft NTA - you need to realize that nobody will want to be with your forever if you always choose your brother over your SO. Boundaries need to be made man!
    via Y2Flax
  • 16
    anonidfk Yeah this pretty much every girl would be upset if they felt like their partner was choosing someone else over them every time, and if they felt like their partners sibling was a third party in the relationship.
    via anonidfk
  • 17
    crazybirdlady93 I agree with this. At just 8 months of dating it's reasonable that your brother is your priority over your girlfriend. When you get more serious with someone and want to build a life with them your priorities will have to shift though. Absolutely still be close with your brother and be there for each other, but when it comes to regular day to day stuff your SO will need to come first. You are young and it's very reasonable this isn't the case now, but it is something to keep in m
    via crazybirdlady93
  • 18
    Similar_Corner8081 NAH She isn't wrong for not wanting to be in a relationship with you and your brother or come second to him. You aren't wrong for picking your sibling over a gf.
    via Similar_Corner8081
  • 19
    TheAngryPanda1 NTA that's your brother and best friend, you made time for her, living with your twin brother isn't weird at all, you dodged a girl that would have became more and more toxic
    via TheAngryPanda1
  • 20
    Inuwa-Angel YTA. Don't go into a relationship to keep them always second priority. If you ever marry, that person becomes your priority. Whether you like it or not. If you aren't able to accept that, it's fine! Just, don't go on dating and putting people always on second place. You wouldn't like that to be done to you either.
    via Inuwa-Angel
  • 21
    no_fcks_lefttogive NTA / but you and your brother sound enmeshed and neither of you will ever be able to have healthy relationships if you don't get some kind of therapy
    via no_fcks_lefttogive
  • 22
    DirtyFeetandJoy You're NTA but neither is she. You aren't a good fit for each other.
    via DirtyFeetandJoy
  • 23
    purple-pebbles Too little info for anyone to make a worthwhile judgement. You don't talk about dates or how much time your brother spends with the two of you or how much you talk your relationship with him. Either way it's better for the two of you to break up though
    via purple-pebbles
  • 24
    existinginahaze ESH. Flip the situation around and see how you would feel. She's not wrong for wanting to feel like she was a priority in her man's life.
    via existinginahaze
  • 25
    Cool_Relative7359 NAH Your bond with your brother might actually be bordering on co- dependent, it might not. That's not for us to say, but might be something you want to look into for yourself. But most women won't want to live with your brother down the line, so if you want to cohabitate with a partner that might be harder to find. Not impossible, mind, but harder.
    via Cool_Relative7359

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aita break up brother relationships girlfriend family twins reddit thread Reddit college student brothers
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